10: Engaging Middle Schoolers Who Don’t Want to Be There
We discuss the importance of building rapport with reluctant middle school students. We also give several tips for making the most of your sessions with middle schoolers.
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episode 10: Engaging Middle Schoolers Who Don’t Want to Be There
Transcript
Intro: Welcome to the TOD Podcast, or as we like to say, the “TOD POD.” We chat about all things Deaf Education while you drive around. I’m Kimmy from The Hard of Hearing Teacher and I’m Deanna from Listening Fun, and let’s get started!
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K: This is a topic we both get asked about all the time. The question sometimes sounds like: What do I do with my middle school student who simply doesn't want to be there? And Deanna and I know that this is a tricky one because middle schoolers have SO much going on. They're going through a huge transition phase in their life, and it can be really challenging for them.
D: It's so important to recognize that. That these students don't dislike coming to sessions because of us, it's not personal. They really do have a lot going on and most of the time they don't want to feel different than their peers, which can make working with their TOD a not-so-preferred task for them.
K: For sure. And while you definitely shouldn't take any cold shoulder from your middle school students personally, Deanna and I do have some tips to share on how to try to break the ice with these students, how to get them more engaged, and how to help them see the importance of their hearing devices. And I have to say, I know that this is another unpopular opinion that I have because I did a poll on Instagram and asked TODs what their favorite age group is, and middle schoolers were the lowest category, by far. However, I love working with middle schoolers! And high schoolers too, but I think middle schoolers are more challenging to work with and that makes it so much more rewarding.
D: Yeah, I'm definitely in the camp that prefers the little ones but I've had a few good middle schoolers that I've developed some nice rapport with.
K: Ok so let’s get into some tips and strategies for working with reluctant middle schoolers.
D: So for me the absolute most important thing is to spend time building a connection to the middle schooler. And I know this is easier said than done but middle schoolers and high schoolers are old enough to understand why you're there and it's important you position yourself as a go-to, supportive person. I try to ask questions about their hobbies and interests outside of school. There was one middle schooler I had who was obsessed with Marvel. Let me tell you, I watched Infinity War and Endgame so that I could talk about it with them and we spent a decent amount of time talking about Marvel, what we thought was going to happen, all their fan theories. But because of this my student liked me. They liked spending time with me because they knew I was interested in what they were interested in. And later in the year when they were struggling with a specific subject, we worked on it so diligently and our sessions were so productive, when they needed to be, because I didn't have to force them into working hard. We had a nice rapport already set up. And they trusted me to help them work through this challenging subject. Sometimes I will ask students if you had a free hour right now, instead of this, what would you want to do and it's really telling what they pick some kids honestly will say, “I just want to do my homework,” and that's fine with me like let's just do the homework I can incorporate the goals into anything. Some kids will say I want to watch this show or play hockey or watch YouTube and this gives me an opening to find out more about their interests. We're going to talk more in the rest of the episode about practical tips for engaging students but I think it's really important to preface all of that with this: spending time building rapport, having conversations, building trust is so important because when it's time to do work you'll be so much better off for it.
K: Absolutely, I can't agree with that more. I have an example too. I had one student who was super shy but they loved to draw and it became part of our routine that we would start every session with them showing me their new drawing, explaining how the drawing fit into the greater story. They were basically like drawing and creating characters for a novel that I really hope they write someday because it was amazing. They were so gifted in art and creating this whole new world was actually really interesting. But they got excited about our sessions because they looked forward to sharing their stories and they could tell I was genuinely interested too. So like you said, when it came time to work, they were like, "OK we can work, I showed you my story." I- We opened up the session with a positive note for the student.
D: That's so sweet. I know it's hard, but sometimes I think if you go in with that framework of wanting to build a connection first, it just, it just works out better. Um, but let's get into the practical tips. Our first one is ways to give students ownership of their sessions.
K: So, we’ve talked about this before, but my primary teaching philosophy is that students learn best when they have ownership in their learning. So helping the student learn independence and to give them some choice is always something I go to. One of my favorite things to do with middle schoolers is to work on goal setting and tracking a goal together. I actually have a brand new product in my TPT store that walks you and your student through this whole process, from reflecting on their current goals, to learning how to set a SMART goal, to tracking their progress and adjusting their approach as necessary. It’s a whole workbook that’s designed to be implemented over a pretty long stretch of time - probably around half a school year. And we’ll link that resource in the show notes, but basically I taught my students what a SMART goal is, I discussed a goal that they want to set that we can work on together. It can be one of their IEP goals or another school, language, or social goal of their choice. And we brainstorm this together and I guide them through this process, and the resource I mentioned does this too. Once we pick a goal, we work together to make it a SMART goal and then figure out how they want to track it. So, for example, one student had a goal to participate in class more by raising their hand. We made the goal specific and attainable by saying that they would start with low-risk questions that didn’t have a right or wrong answer. We made it realistic by saying they only had to try in the two classes that they felt most comfortable in. We made it measurable by saying they would log a short entry in their notebook when they did this. And then we also gave them a goal of 3 times before our next session to make it time-bound. We also decided that they would write down what class, what question, and how they felt, so that we could talk about it in our sessions in detail and reflect on their attempts together. Overall, this process gives the student ownership in choosing their goal and in tracking their goal and in readjusting their strategy for achieving the goal as necessary. And it was something that the student looked forward to doing because it was a goal that they picked so it was something they actually really wanted to work on. And they could see their progress over time, it was actually really amazing.
D: I love to hear that. I feel like those types of advocacy goals that are tracked like that can be really powerful. I tried to be really upfront with my middle schoolers and my high schoolers too. I usually tell them like, “Listen, I'm here as a resource for you. My goal is to help you in a way that's actually beneficial. So if you're experiencing an issue like a poor grade or if you're unsure about an assignment, you need help cleaning your locker, your hearing aid isn't working, or you think your friend is mad at you and you don't know why, I can help you with that or at least I can try.” And that's why I like what you said so much is because the student like picked it and you were the resource to help them achieve a goal they chose, I think that's so powerful. And we can be a solution to their problems. Not [chuckle] the cause of their problems. Usually in middle school and high school I'm there more as a support anyway and I try to be honest with the student about what we're going to do and as you were saying this gives the student more ownership over the session in the sense that they're bringing issues to you and then you are a problem solver for them.
K: That's a great point. I always started my sessions with my middle schoolers by asking them how they were, how their classes were going, if there was anything I could do to help, and oftentimes, after trust was built in our relationship, they did use me as a resource. And I would always come with something prepared just in case, but for example, one time I showed up to a session and one of my students said they were really struggling with math. And they were in after-school peer tutoring once a week, but they felt like they could benefit from more. And this isn’t directly related to hearing per say, but it’s definitely self-advocacy. Them being able to tell an adult and ask for help, was advocacy, and I was all over that. And we spent the entire session figuring out who to talk to, and I went with them and we kind of prepared what they would say because they were really shy, but they did a really great job when we went to the office and they asked about if there was extra tutoring they could sign up for and the most important thing was that at the end they felt empowered and supported through the whole process. And then it was also something I could come to the next session and follow up with. So it also gave us like a starter- an opening for the next session.
D: Absolutely, I feel like that's the best way to get through these students is to make yourself like as useful as possible. Even if it's like slightly off topic because once that trust is earned then you can move on to more challenging things. So our next tip is appealing to the student’s special interests just like my friend with her Marvel movies.
K: Yes! I’ve found that middle schoolers respond best when you make it relevant and/or appeal to their interests. So some ideas to do this are to make your activities age-appropriate, interest-specific, and/or worth their time. So when I say age-appropriate, I mean if your student is on a delayed reading level, for example, and you’re working on auditory comprehension or vocabulary exposure through stories, try to find stories that are level-appropriate and age appropriate. This can be challenging. Sometimes I would take a passage from a middle school level and rewrite part of it or summarize it into something that’s on their level so that the topic was age-appropriate but the reading level was level-appropriate for them. I think making your topics fit your students interests is kind of rather obvious, but it can be difficult when you have a really large caseload, but really even just a little bit of effort in getting to know them and then using their interests in your sessions can go a really long way. Even if the activity isn't, like, made to be according to their interests, if you can find a way to bring up their interests while you're talking with them, you're earning their trust while you're doing that and you definitely need that trust to work with these students and for them to open up to you.
D: Yeah I usually jot down their interests in my Google Keep sticky note that I keep for each district. It's really helpful to keep track of all people's random little quirks [laughs].
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D: OK so on to the next tip which is working with your student's personality.
K: It’s so important to work with your student's personality and not against it. For example, if you have a really quiet, shy, awkward student, who doesn’t want to raise their hand in front of their class to ask their teacher to unmute the DM, you are not going to get very far if you put all of your energy into trying to turn them into an extrovert. However, if you put your energy into finding solutions that are more discreet and feel more attainable for them, then you're gonna actually see progress. This can be as simple as the student putting a pink sticky note on their desk when they need the mic unmuted and a blue sticky note when they need something repeated. Obviously, you would want to keep this color coding system pretty basic so that the teacher and the student can keep track. But these types of strategies can be simple and effective at the same time. Also discussing with the student that group work or independent work, like when their teacher is sitting at their desk, can be a great time to ask for help or ask questions because the other students are focused on what they’re doing and a lot of times the other students will be getting up to talk to the teacher during these times as well so they won't stand out as much when they go up to the teacher. Another tip would be to help develop a script for discussing their hearing loss or equipment when they’re asked. This can include how to nicely say that they don’t want to talk about it. They’re allowed to have boundaries with their peers and they don’t have to disclose to everyone in the world about their hearing loss if they don’t want to. I know we as TODs like students to be able to talk about their hearing loss, but that just doesn’t work for every kid and it’s okay to practice this with teachers or in small groups with other kids with hearing loss maybe, but if you push against their personality and comfort zone too much, you’re going to lose your rapport with them too.
D: For sure, and this is where I was saying before some kids like they just want to use your time to do their homework like [laughs] if that's what they're interested in and that's like if they're practically minded like that like you can work with that. You can incorporate your goals into their homework or whatever it is that flows with their personality because like you said some kids are just not outgoing and that's okay. Some people are just not outgoing and we can still teach them advocacy skills that an introvert can do.
K: Absolutely.
D: Moving on to our next tip is to try to work in groups whenever you can. I know it's not always possible but allowing students to be with friends and not singled out can sometimes be very helpful for reluctant students.
K: Speaking from experience, this can be so awkward at first with quiet middle schoolers, but giving them community is so worth the effort. I added in group sessions for two of my middle schoolers who were very similar in their personalities, their equipment and their hearing loss, and they were in the same grade, obviously in the same school. They were both quiet students who kept mostly to themselves, but when I put them in a small group together, I swear magic happened. Not overnight, it took a lot of time, but it happened. First, putting them in the same group in their IEPs allowed their guidance counselors to talk about them together, which was great. Each of their guidance counselors and I kind of formed our own small group where would meet together and discuss their progress. And the second year that they were together in a group their guidance counselors actually came to me with the idea that they were working together to schedule some of their classes together too. And that was really impactful because that helped build up the community and they weren't the only one in their class with hearing aids then. So that was like the logistical benefits of doing groups, but really middle schoolers don’t want to feel different so you’re showing them that they’re not so different, that they’re not alone. For these students that I’m talking about, we spent the first like 5 sessions just doing some get to know you activities. And eventually we got to the point, where these SUPER quiet students, were giving each other feedback on their hearing related classroom issues and it was one of the best teaching days ever for me.
D: Oh my God I love that [laughs]. I've never been able to do groups logistically. But I think if you have the opportunity and the school district is amenable, that's such a great idea to build that community with middle schoolers. Another thing I wanted to bring up too, if you're having trouble connecting with the student or they're seriously rejecting your services, it's okay to loop in the guidance counselor or the school psychologist or the case manager. If a student has really low self-esteem or emotional issues or is just having a hard time, these are issues you can bring to those professionals. Obviously you can work with them, especially if some of the issues are related to the hearing loss. But sometimes we need to take a look at the frequency of services. If pulling is doing more harm than good, it's okay to have a discussion with the case manager and the student and the parent about finding a frequency of services that still addresses their needs without causing more stress to the student. Even though this whole episode is about engaging students sometimes reducing services is the best way to make the best use of the time you do have. I had a situation where a middle schooler had a weekly service. And they were struggling in a few of their classes and we tried a bunch of different things and it just wasn't working. So I talked with the team and the parent and the student and we determined that what they really needed was more support from their teachers. Not more pullout time. And my role became more consultative with the teachers instead. And that was what was best for the student. So I just want to throw out there that it's okay to reevaluate if your current setup is working and think about the student as a whole to see how you can benefit them even if it means less face time with them. Speaking of looking at the whole picture sometimes the scheduling can be the key and changing up the schedule can really help.
K: So before I get into our next tip, I actually had a thought about what you were just saying that sometimes you also have to be creative and think outside of the box. And this kind of goes with scheduling and thinking about their service level. So for one of my students, instead of doing like two times a month, we actually did it on a rotating schedule where I would see them, pull them out for one session, the next session would be in their classroom, and then the next session was a pull out session. And they were actually very prescribed for this particular student where the first session was we would talk about what self advocacy skill they could try in their classes. Then I would give them a week or so to try to practice that. I would go see them in a class, observe them for the whole session, take some notes, and then in the next session we would talk about how they did in relation to the goal that we were trying to reach. And then also in relation to like their other skills that they had already developed and it kind of built on itself and we had more and more things to talk about each month. So this student actually had three times per month instead of like once per week. And it worked on this like rotating schedule and it worked really really well for this student. So sometimes thinking outside of the box helps too.
D: Yeah, sometimes I'll ask students especially if it's written as flexible location in the IEP, I'll ask them while we're together like do you want me to push in and observe next session or do you want me to pull you out? Like giving them some choice in the the type if it's written as flexible in the IEP, which for me, it almost always is. It's really nice because sometimes they say yeah you know I'm I'm okay, right now like if you want to just observe and I'll be like okay that's great and that's what I'll do and then the next session I'll pull them and talk about it. And even just giving them the option, um, can be really helpful sometimes.
K: Which brings us to our next point, involving the student in scheduling can make a huge difference. Just asking are there classes that you really don’t want to be pulled from? If a student loves art and you always pull them from art, it’s going to be really hard for them to not be disappointed when you pull them out, thus causing negative feelings about your session, which has nothing to do with you it's just the timing. And sometimes it’s unavoidable, you have to do what you have to do, but if you can do it, it’s only going to help with the tougher-to-crack middle school students if you can involve them in the scheduling. I really like to start this conversation using Deanna’s Back to School Packet; here’s a student interview page and the student schedule page. That can really help kickstart this conversation and give you a lot of insight into how to work best with your student and that goes with a lot of these tips on building rapport.
D: Absolutely. And when it comes to scheduling I also try to really respect the student's privacy in the sense that not everyone in the class needs to know why I'm there. The student support services are their business. Some students prefer to be called down discreetly and they're going to be more receptive to learning with me if I don't make a big deal. Some students prefer I call them down via the phone, some prefer I drop by the door. It really depends on what's the least intrusive. When I'm in the classroom observing or pushing in, I don't hover I don't make it blatantly obvious who I'm there to see. If a classmate ask like, “Who are you?”, I just say something like, “Oh, I'm just observing your teacher today,” and that's good enough. I'm not saying the students should be ashamed of their hearing loss or of needing support, not at all, but in middle school kids are sensitive to being perceived as different and respecting the student's privacy is one way you can make them not hate you [laughs].
K: [laughs] Very true, very true. It takes a lot of time to get these students to warm up to you and to the idea of going to sessions with their TOD. But once they do, you can really start to see them open up and make progress, and that really makes it all worth it. I loved my tough cookie middle schoolers, they're challenging but the reward was so great.
D: Definitely it's so worth it to build rapport with these students. Thanks for listening to today's episode. If you have any additional tips for working with middle schoolers we would love to hear them and share them out to the community. You can find me @ListeningFun and Kimmy @HardOfHearingTeacher. You can also find the resources mentioned in this episode in the show notes along with the transcript at listentotodpod.com see you next time.
Both: Bye!